Cookies for Santa

Making cookies with Owen & Ethan for Santa's arrival....

Mom- "Ethan grab the sugar, Owen can you get two sticks of butter?"
Owen starts to put on his coat
Mom- "Where are you going?"
Owen- "Outside to find two sticks for the butter"

Tis the Season

While Elfing a neighbor with my two boys, from a house that will be nameless....

"Oh S%?T we have been elfed"

Literally Speaking

4 year old daughter: Where does Uncle Steve live?

Mom: Indiana.

4 year old: Who the heck is "Deanna" and just how big is she?

Birds and the bees...needs work

At the dinner table while kids are telling silly stories...

5 year old son, waving his arms: Guys! Guys! I got a funny thing to say. When I was in my EGG, in mom's BELLY, I was NAKED!

All three kids crack up laughing.

Mission Impossible

Mom with 6 and 7 year old sons in party store to get a Webkinz for another child for his birthday:

Mom: "Which one would your friend like?"

7 year old to 6 year old (in too loud whisper) : "Plan A has started."

Mom: "What's Plan A?"

7 year old: "I'm not telling you."

Mom: "If Plan A is the plan where you get yourself a Webkinz, you can forget it."

Pouting children and Mom proceed to register to pay for 1 Webkinz.

In Car:

6 year old: "There was a Plan B and a Plan C also..."

Meet Albaquerque the Turkey

7 yr old daughter: Mom! Come here! Can I tell you a secret?

Mom: Sure.

7 yr old daughter: Mom, this is Albaquerque Turkey. (shows tiny toy turkey) We got him at school. I made a house for him and I'm going to treat him like a princess.

Mom: Wow, that's nice.

7 yr old daughter: (whispers very quietly in Mom's ear) But I'm really going to fatten him up and cook him to a crisp for Thanksgiving dinner!

The "EVINZ" show their gang sign

4 yr old son (out of the blue): Daddy, you're on my Hit Wist.

Dad: Your Hit List, huh? What does that mean?

4 yr old son: Means I won't hit you.

Dad: Well could you add the rest of the family to your "Hit List?"

4 yr old son: No. They are all too STINKY to be on my Hit Wist.

Feelin' the love

Late Sunday afternoon, while watching football...

Couch potato wifey: Ugh, I'm going for a swim tomorrow until I drown.

Hubby: SAAH-WEET!

Oooh SHINY!

4 yr old son: mom, mom, Mom, MOM!

Mom, working on computer: What? What is it? I'm right here.

4 yr old son: I need you! Outside. Right. Now.

Mom: I can't come out right now. Where's Dad?

4 yr old son: I'm building this really cool fing, and....what's that?

Mom: That's your new pirate ship. From Kris.

4 yr old son: [silence] (starts playing with new toy, doesn't say another word.)

Please pass me a tissue

Kids observe mom knitting...

6 yr old daughter: What are you making?

Mom: It's a baby blanket for Auntie Jill's baby.

6 yr old daughter: Auntie Jill's?

Mom: Yes. Auntie Jill and Uncle Frank are having a baby in January.

4 yr old son: I'm allergic to babies.

Who's the boss!?

At bedtime:

Daddy: Juliana*, get ready for bed!
6 yr old daughter: You're not the boss of me, mommy is!

Drugs are bad.....

To set the scene...Red Ribbon (drug free, drugs are bad) week at Young School. Mom a little overwhelmed with book fair, volunteering, work, and managing a house while Mark was away on a four day trip. Mom sitting on floor playing with Aaron enjoying a BEER.
Conversation between my boys and me.

Ethan- Mom Beer is a drug you know
Mom- but it is a good Drug
Owen- Don't worry Ethan, Mom will go to therapy once we are all out of the house

Advertising genius (brainwash 'em early)

Bella, age 4, after a rough day at preschool:

Hey Mom... you know, America runs on Dunkin.

Right church. Wrong Jew.

Bella, age 4, after Mom hangs up phone: Who was that?

Mom: Pastor Dave.

Bella: Who's that?

Mom: Pastor Dave from church.

Bella: Who?

Mom: You know, the guy who stands in the front of the church, talks and tells stories.

Bella: Oh, I thought that guy was Jesus.

Rules? Who needs 'em?

7:30am, post hair-combing tussle involving insertion of a barrette:

Juliana, to older sister: Just take it out on the bus, Sophia, that's what I do.

Elementary, my dear Watson

7:00am

Sophia, age 7, to mother: By my calculations, I'm not going to school today.

Overheard at the bus stop

Juliana to Logan: My moms has a best friend and his name is Daegan.

The darndest things...

Visiting niece to her mommy: I can't wait to lose my front teeth so that my tongue can have some windows.

Tell it like it is...

Hubby on phone: O.k. I don't have time to talk to you right now. I'm a very important person. Buh bye.

If only it were true...

...after rhyming game in the car:

Juliana, age 6: What's Iraq?

Sophia, age 7: Oh...something my friend made up.

Rock on!

Nathan and Evan are bickering in the backseat.
Mom: "Evan knock it off!"
Evan: "But Mom, Nathan says that every boy song, he made up and every girl song Bella made up."
Mom: So what?"
Evan: "He's mocking the rock star world!"

Mom's fresh, but not sharp

Dad: Sophia*, you didn't drink your Propel.

7 yr old Daughter, going on 13: [eyes rolling] When is mommy going to get it through her thick head that I don't like Propel?

Tolerance: what makes a marriage work

Wifey on cell: ...forgot to tell you, I filled the propane tank, it's in the back of my jeep. In this heat I'm worried the thing will explode and shear off my head!

Hubby: That would be awesome!