Chores!

In the car...

Dad, lecturing: And no more free allowance! From now on you're going to do chores to get your allowance. Work around the house. Like cleaning your room and doing the dishes.

7 year old daughter: I'll do the dishes!

8 year old daughter, bored: I'll vacuum...

6 year old son: And I'll plunge the TOILETS!

Christmas Memories...

Hubby and Wifey, discussing gift purchases for the kids

Hubby: No. If we're gonna get him tools, they gotta be the real thing. I remember the best Christmas ever, was when my parents gave me a set of real tools. Yeah. Then I hit my brother in the head with the hammer, and they took it away from me for like six months.

YOU!...Have a very Merry Christmas!

7 year old daughter, singing "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer": You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and...Nixon.

Mother: Would you like to help me make spinach bars for my library potluck tomorrow?
Four-year-old daughter: Yes! Who's going to eat them?
Mother: The student workers at my library. Some of them are vegetarians.
Four-year-old daughter: You mean they get up on the tables and yell and throw things?
Mother: Huh?
Four-year-old-daughter: You said they were ...
Mother: They are VEGETarians, not BARBarians.
[The daughter knows what barbarians are because her dad sometimes accuses her of being one, especially when she eats, say, spaghetti with her hands.]