The demise of the "first loser"

Kids enjoying a playdate with the neighbors...

8 year old boy: Let's play Doggie!

5 year old boy: I'm the second littlest!

7 year old girl, outraged: No! There is NO second littlest! I'M the littlest!

I could tell you but...

Discussion after hubby's fraternal society meeting...

Wifey: So, did you do the secret handshake when you went in?

Hubby: Yeah.

Wifey: With everyone?

Hubby: Yeah, no, nevermind.

Wifey: See if I tell you the secret handshake we have at our Scrapping Club.

Hubby: You guys have a handshake?

Wifey: No! [Laughs hysterically]

A New Trend in Restaurants

four year old daughter, wearing chef's hat all day: at my restaurant the menu will include chicken, buttered noodles, brussels sprouts, pizza...

mother: what about when people first sit down, will you have something like bread, or chips and salsa?

daughter: we will have candy corn.