Not gonna do it....

Wife to Husband: "Please don't overcook my steak."


8 year old son: "Women are hard to please, that's just another reason why I'm not getting married."

The answer girl

Driving in the car...

Mom, cheerily: And don't forget we have to practice the songs for the Christmas pageant!

9 year old daughter: [Groan] Mom! Do we HAVE to?

8 year old daughter: Don't worry Sophia. We can just Lip-sing it.

Good thing I speak Boy Scout

Doorbell rings. Mom opens door...

Boy Scout: We left you...the can goods...paper.

Mom, thinking furiously: Right! Be right back.

(Returns with bag of cans for food drive)

Boy Scout: Uh...thanks.

Infiltration Complete

Cheerful 8 year old girl: Grandma, I've been in EVERY room of your house!

Grandma: Really?

8 year old girl: Yes. And I think I've touched every single one of your things!

A nice glass of ...

Son: Why do they call it OJ?

Me: Orange starts with O, Juice with J.

Son: why don't they call other juice BJ.

Me: that's hard to answer.

A Good Name for a Camel

Mother: So, I know you got to ride on a camel today at the carnival. If you had your own camel, what would you name it, do you think?

Five year old daughter: Hmmmm...

Mother: How about Cameron?

No.

Cammy?

No.

Camille?

No.

Camilla?

No.

Well, what would you name it?

Farty Face.

An affair to remember...

In the kitchen

Mom, reading ferry ticket out loud: One Adult fare...expires 8/18/09. Darn!

8 year old daughter: Oh Mommy! When's the fair?

Mom: What?

8 year old daughter: The Fair. The Adult Fair.

Mom: No, no, it's a ticket. The fare...it's how much it costs.

8 year old daughter, puzzled: Oh...o.k.

He gets me!

In the car on the way home from a weekend trip,
Audioslave followed by Foo Fighters on the radio.
Husband to wife: "Hey its a double shot of your boyfriends."
A wonderful example of a husband accepting his wife's rockstar
obsessions.

They don't have a dental plan, either

Hubby calling wifey from the break room...

Wifey: Are you coming with us to the party or are you going to work?

Hubby: Yeah, don't you remember? I'm playing H-O-O-K-Y.

Five year old daughter, first thing in the morning: Mommy, Daddy, here is something I know. If you dream you have to go potty, you should not use the dream toilet. You should wake up and use the real toilet.

Mother and father: That is very good advice.

Sup?

Five year old daughter: Mommy, when that kid said "'sup?", what did that mean?

Mom: It's a short way of saying "What's up?".

Eight year old son (in a teacherly way): And it's not proper English to say "What's up?" either. You are supposed to say "What's happening?".

Mom gets no slack

In the car...

Mom, singing softly to self: "I will go down with this ship..."

7 year old daughter: Mom? Are you singing?

Mom: Nope.

Mom, singing even more quietly: "I won't put my hands up in surrender..."

7 year old daughter: Mo-om! I can see you! Your lips are moving! No singing!

Mom: O.k.! O.k.!

Houston, we have a problem

Seven year old daughter trying on shoes: Mom, are these your new sandals? They're hot. Can you get me a pair?

Should we be more specific? Nah.

Seven year old daughter to dad: Dad, were you there when mom pooped me out?

Dad, after a long pause: yeah, I was there.

There's no place like home

6 year old boy, while visiting cousins: Auntie, your house is making me haunted-er.

Good Shepherds need not apply

In church while congregation kneels in prayer...

Male parishioner, standing defiantly, to wife: It says right here, "the congregation may stand or kneel." I'm standing. They're like sheep! Sheeple!

I'm Outta Here!

During the sermon...

3 year old parishioner marching past long winded priest: I'm going outside!

Teacher in the Garden

In the Garden with my kids and some neighborhood kids:

Neighbor Mom to 5 year old girl: "Get me the radish seeds please."

5 year old girl: " Are these the radish seeds?"

Neighbor Mom: " 'er,er,er' what does radish start with?"

Son of Neighbor Mom: "She is part teacher ya know."

Well, are the 1970s the Victorian era?

Five year old daughter getting ready for soccer practice: Mommy, when you were a kid did you play soccer?
Mother: No, when I was a kid soccer wasn't as popular as it is now.
Five year old: When you were a kid, was it the Victorian era?*


*Her brother has been studying the Victorian era in school.

will you be mime

Valentine from a first grader:
love Will I horp you are well
will you be mime
you are special Mom
to Mom from will OOOXXXXX I love you

Dollar bill y'all

Hubby to wifey, on the cell: We done talking here? I gotta call some important people. Make some money.

Oooh...SHINY!

9 Year old daughter: I wish we were millionaires. Then our house would be solid CHROME!

I know I'll pay for this when he's older...

6 year old son: Mom. I have great news. I'm trying not to pick my nose.

Mom: That IS great!

For fans of Hannibal Lecter

7 year old brother, 9 year old brother and mom heading out to the store.
9 year old brother taking WAY too long putting on his boots.

7 year old to 9 year old: "Tick Tock Clarice."