I think I know what he'll be when he grows up

7 year old son, hollering:  MOM!  I can't find the constructions!  I can't build my rocket without the constructions!  MO-OM!  Find dem!

Birds of a Feather

Dad and 9 year old son notice the "mama and papa" birds who have a nest under porch are back.

Dad: "Maybe they are going to have more babies."
9 year old looks for eggs in the nest...
9 year old: "Nothing there, but maybe she's eggnant."

Bad Math

Dinner table conversation:

Mom, how old are you?

40.

Dad, how old are you?

39.

So, dad is going to turn 40 soon.

Right.

And mom is going to turn 50 soon.

WHAT?

Mom: I'm going to go downtown and spend my Terra Verde gift card. Want to come?

Five-year-old (almost six!) daughter: What's Terra Verde?

Mom: A store with clothes and soap and stuff like that -- nothing for kids, I'm afraid.

Daughter: Is it near anything fun?

Mom: No, not really.

Daughter: Why would I want to go?

Mom: Well, no reason really, but I thought I'd invite you.

Daughter: Okay, I'll go.

Not gonna do it....

Wife to Husband: "Please don't overcook my steak."


8 year old son: "Women are hard to please, that's just another reason why I'm not getting married."

The answer girl

Driving in the car...

Mom, cheerily: And don't forget we have to practice the songs for the Christmas pageant!

9 year old daughter: [Groan] Mom! Do we HAVE to?

8 year old daughter: Don't worry Sophia. We can just Lip-sing it.

Good thing I speak Boy Scout

Doorbell rings. Mom opens door...

Boy Scout: We left you...the can goods...paper.

Mom, thinking furiously: Right! Be right back.

(Returns with bag of cans for food drive)

Boy Scout: Uh...thanks.